CHRISTMAS LETTER 2019

It’s been awhile since I’ve written a “Christmas Letter” with a whole family update so I thought I’d stay up tonight and get one written for 2019. If nobody reads it, at least I’ve recorded our family status for posterity.

Jessi (34) left her job at Cardinal Health and moved to Russellville, taking a job in account collections with Transco Lines, Inc. She bought the camper we lived in during our house remodel and is currently living in our driveway! She’s taking some time to figure out what she wants to do next, maybe grad school, maybe buy a house near by. In the mean time, we are enjoying having her around! Her dog, Moony, is happy as a clam down at the barn where he was born, with the other dogs and livestock.

Joshua (33) has an apartment in Conway but rarely spends the night there. He travels constantly doing non-destructive testing for Applied Inspection Systems. What this means is that he tests welds and metal integrity through radiography, sonography, and other methods. Most of this work is done in power plants. Joshua successfully passed is CWI course this year also and is now a Certified Welding Inspector. We don’t see him often enough, but he stops by every once in a while and we mange to catch lunch with him in Conway on occasion.

Katie (28) lives in North Little Rock and got her own apartment for the first time last February. She has a terrific job that she loves at Sowell Management, an investment management company. She is excelling there and since being with Sowell she has become interested in going back to school for accounting. She is active in her church and volunteering in the Little Rock area. About once a month, she and her dog Ladybug come spend the weekend with us.

ClaireAnna (18) graduated from High School last May and started classes at Arkansas TECH University in August. She was awarded an ATU academic scholarship as well as the AR state lottery scholarship and a scholarship from Ted’s company! We told her to take it easy at school just so long as she keeps her scholarships but she finished her first semester with a 4.0! She is majoring in Elementary Education with a minor in Spanish. She works in the ATU library about 15 hours/ week for spending cash. ClaireAnna is no longer in 4H or showing animals and it was very strange for Ted and I to not step even a foot on the county fair grounds this year! My, how life changes! She has taken up Karate, though, and goes to class twice a week. She sings on the worship team at church, volunteers with various organizations, was a camp counselor at Camp Caudle again this year, and went to Bogota, Columbia for the second time this summer with our church doing street evangelism.

One of the most exciting changes in our family this year has been the addition of our bonus daughter, Sydni! What a surprise and a blessing she has been to us! She is 18, graduated high school in May with ClaireAnna, and started ATU in August majoring in Emergency Management with a minor in Spanish. Sydni was valedictorian of her HS class, is also on scholarships at ATU, and finished her first university semester with a 4.0! If that weren’t enough to be proud of, she became a black belt in Karate this year, having been studying at the same Dojo since she was 10 years old! Sydni also works at the ATU library as well as at her Karate Dojo. Both Syndi and ClaireAnna are living at home during college to save money for travel and missions trips during the summers.

Ted and I are doing well. We celebrated our 35^th wedding anniversary this year and are grateful to God for each other and our marriage. We hope and pray for 35 more! It’s hard for us to believe that Ted has completed sixteen years as shipping manager with his company, which is now called Amcor. (The 4^th name change since he’s been there!) We are getting close to the number of years he worked for Pfanstiehl! I have started working again, as a substitute teacher, and I really love it! It’s flexible so I pick and choose the jobs I want to accept and the days I want to work. I’m trying to work 3 days a week to help pay for my new Tacoma!

We have slowed way down on the farm over the last 2 years since ClaireAnna is occupied with other things now, and have sold nearly all the sheep and goats and cut back on cattle numbers. We now raise purebred Dexter cattle, which are miniature cattle and very easy to handle and work with. We like them very much! We sell pasture raised, hormone and antibiotic free whole or half steers and also beef by the package out of our freezer, USDA inspected. We do expect a few goat kids this spring which will be fun.

We are really loving life in our remodeled home. It’s just a lovely space now that it’s finished. Thank God that’s over! (Actually, we are still waiting on sidewalks, a deck, and a driveway gate!) We are active in our church as always, doing weekly nursery duty where all of the babies love Ted more than me as always (It’s true!). I enjoy attending our women’s Bible study with Jessi, and Ted leads the deacon team. We’ve had no major health issues this year, but many minor ones. Ted ruptured the tendons on his right pointer finger and it looks like that will be something that bothers him for the foreseeable future. There have been a few kidney stones and sore backs and joints, but all in all, we are doing great!

God has blessed our family in so many ways, but none compare to the blessing of being adopted into his family by the redeeming blood of Christ! We wish this same blessing to all who read this letter. Merry, Merry Christmas! 

Gift Ideas For Lisa

(This post is for my family, those who occasionally buy me gifts.) 

I don't need anything.  I have more stuff than I ever thought I would ever have and most of it, I don't use.  I don't really even want anything, materially.  I will shed no tear if I never acquire a single thing on this list.  However....if someone actually wants to buy me a gift, here are some ideas.  

Okay, I'm going to be very specific for this one!  I wouldn't mind if I eventually collected ten to fifteen place settings of Fiestaware as well as various serving dishes to match.  Five or so of the Bistro three piece sets and five or so of the Fiesta four piece sets.  I don't want any of the five piece sets; cups and saucers are useless to me.  So, my color choices are cobalt , turquoise , and lemongrass.  Kohls often has them for 50% off. 

So pretty! 

I love trees.  For many years, probably more than 25, I've thought about a coffee table type book with beautiful photographs of beautiful trees.   Here are two ideas. 

Weston Pro 2300
Or a cheaper one if that's too much!  

I LOVE this jacket.  

This is gorgeous! 

Western styled denim shirts fit me to a tee. 

My color! 

This purse just makes me smile.

This Tote bag is pretty!

And this one!

This one is made out of alpaca wool.

Blue is pretty too!

 I love rust, barn wood and fat birds! 

I need one of these for my horse helmet! 

The Days Past Are More

By Lisa Marie Harmon

I want nothing

What I have and what I lack

Are equally nothing

Right now

With eyes closed

I stop

And seek only to be closer

I cling to his body

And soak in the peace of our oneness

Absorbing the heat he radiates

I press into him

Closer

And kiss his forehead

I hear his heart beat

Feel his breath

And press closer

I want to keep him

To stop him from leaving me

I can’t

He will leave me

Or… I will leave him

I want nothing

Just to keep now

To be Us

His grey beard betrays me

The days past are more

I press closer

And will it to stop

And know that it never will

So I stop

And hold tightly

And breathe him in

With eyes closed

I quietly feel him

And think nothing

But know deeply

That for this moment

We are Us

And I want nothing

Church in the River

We missed church this morning.  Ted needed to get some bush hogging done before the storm came in and I had goats to milk and extra chores to do before out of town guests come to stay for a week.   After a quick breakfast of nothing but string cheese, we both headed out the door to our respective assignments.  A couple three hours, two quarts of milk, and lots of filled and dumped wheel barrows later, I was ready to call it quits so I took the 4-Wheeler out to see what Ted was up to.

He was still on his tractor, bumping along in one of the cow pastures.  I checked in with him and then sped off to the “bootleg”; a narrow section of land we own along the river, to see how it looked after Ted mowed it.  I always get excited when he mows the bootleg, since it is one of my favorite places to ride.  There’s nothing better than riding my horse along the cliff and looking down at the rapids and swirling pools of the Illinois Bayou, flowing right through our farm. 

After my inspection, I could not help but head over to the path Ted cut the other day through the woods to the river’s edge.  For the first time ever, the path is wide enough and clear enough to ride our 4-wheeler right up to the rocky area we call our “beach.”  Once I was at the “beach” of course, I was simply compelled into the water, clothes and all.  How could I resist the gentle sound of flowing water calling out my name? 

I waded for a few feet till it was deep enough and then just dove right in.  Ahhhh…..What a cool, fresh and wonderful feeling.  I looked about me and marveled at how I was completely and totally alone in the middle of nowhere, deep in the woods, in a river.  “There’s no one here but me,” I thought.  And then a smile crossed my face as I finished the sentence, “And You.”  So there, in the river, I spent some time with my Lord.  And there, in the river, every single part of me was ministered to. 

The moment I dove in, my skin was cooled and refreshed by the rain-swollen river’s flowing water. I swam for a while, the breast stroke and the elementary back stroke.  My relaxed pace was barely enough to give me an edge over the current.   My muscles were stretched, invigorated and strengthened.   My own, God-made endless pool!

Then I let the river carry me downstream as I floated on my back and closed my eyes.  I prayed for my youngest daughter who is away at Church Camp.  I thought about some friends who are struggling and asked the Lord to show me ways I could bless and encourage them.   I floated silently in the dark, in total relaxation and praised God for the pleasant feeling of physical weightlessness the river was giving me. .  In those still, quite moments, the words, “Peace like a river,” flowed through my mind and flooded my entire being.

When I opened my eyes, I marveled at the pure loveliness of the woods and the river.  I looked at all the details of the stream, from pebbles and rocks to boulders and limestone slabs, a bank of clay, and another bank of sand, the reeds and grasses, so many kinds of trees, their tangled roots, the cliffs and ledges, the sky filled with white clouds.  Then I thought about all the wildlife I knew was surrounding me.  Hundreds of birds, fish, deer, squirrels and rabbits, turtles, fox, raccoons, muskrats, beaver, otter, coyotes, snakes!!  They are all there, most hidden from me, just feet away.  “This is amazing!” I tell Him.    I can barely believe how perfect it all is.  My mind is filled with awe and wonder. 

How do I deserve to be here and receive the blessing of this river?  As a matter of fact, how do I deserve anything that I have?  How do I deserve my very life?  I surely know that I don’t.  And my heart is filled with thanksgiving so much that I think it may burst.  I am thankful for this river.  I am thankful for the man on the tractor two hay fields away.  I am thankful for all the people I love and who love me.  I am thankful for all my animals and my home and food to eat.  I am thankful for fresh air to breath and all of nature to marvel at. I am thankful for a life that brings me joy… and so many other things.  So many things.  But more than anything, more then everything combined, I am thankful for His love for me.  The love that overflows into Mercy.  The love that gives me hope of a future in His presence.   The love that promises me that future. 

My soul was quenched in God’s river today.  For God made the river and God made me and He was there with me in the river.   He used the river to tell me who he is.  He used the river to encourage me to talk to him.  He used the river to refresh my body and stimulate my mind.  He used the river to fill my heart with gratitude and drown my soul in His peace and serenity.   The river was my church today, and even now, many hours later, it is still washing over me.  Reminding me.  I close my eyes and can't help but smile.    Peace like a river is mine.  

Old Goat

 

When I was a little girl, one of my friends' dads called me the little mountain goat because I was always climbing on things, (rocks, trees, park equipment) with a relative degree of quick, sure-footedness.  This is a trick I've been doing since I was about seven years old.  Today, at age 49,  I decided to make sure I could still do it.  Yup.

 

 

 

The Bottom Bunk

I slept on the bottom bunk in Claire's room last night.

The Bottom Bunk.

The Bottom Bunk holds a lot of meaning for me, believe it or not.  I have spent a lot of time there.

Not that I ever wanted to.

When my artificial hip went bad, the bottom bunk was one of two places I was able to lay down.  For the better part of a year, from June 20th, 2010, to February 25, 2011 when I had my second hip replacement and then for several weeks afterwards during my recovery from surgery, I lay or slept (when I could sleep) on the floor or on the bottom bunk in my daughter's room.  The partial dislocation of my titanium hip joint was causing severe nerve inflammation that in turn caused constant pain and at times, attacks of pulsating, stabbing, white-hot pain so bad I had to go to the hospital.  For some reason, laying on my stomach was the only position that was even tolerable and would allow the nerve some relief.  So on my stomach I was, nearly 24 hours a day, for the better part of eleven months, with only brief periods of relief here and there along the way.

I could not use my own bed for several reasons.  It was too high for me to get into easily.  I could not have anyone in bed with me because their movement would cause me pain.  Ted needed to get dressed and ready for work in the mornings in our room and that would mean disturbing me if I did happen to be asleep.  So it was decided early on, that if I could lay in a bed and if I could sleep, it would be in Claire's room on the bottom bunk.  When my pain was at its most intense, on my stomach on the floor was my only option.  But when I could tolerate it, I lay on the bottom bunk.

I was never comfortable there. 

Lying on my stomach has never been comfortable for me.  It causes me neck pain, back pain, arm numbness and pain and all over body stiffness.  So even though that position offered me some relief from my hip pain, I was far from comfortable any where else in my body.  There were some times, on the bottom bunk, that I was able to lay on my back with my leg propped on a pillow.  It was a great blessing.  But even then, I was still in some pain and could not move at all.  I felt stiff, paralyzed and claustrophobic.

Most of the time that I was on the bottom bunk, I was on heavy narcotics.  I was nauseous, drowsy, sometimes incoherent.  Even so, I was often unable to sleep.  The rest of the family tended to me lovingly, but they had other things to do too, so in between my med times, which were set on an alarm, I was mostly alone.....for hours.....and days....and weeks....and months. 

I was bored on the bottom bunk.  Sometimes, Kate would set up a movie for me on her laptop if I was able to be on my back for awhile, but for the most part, I had nothing to do.  I could not read or watch TV because of the position I had to be in and the narcotics I was on. 

For eleven months, I could not cuddle my husband.  I could not cuddle with my children.  I could not participate in daily family life.  I could not fix dinner for my family, or do any kind of housework.  For eleven months, I could not see my animals down at the barn.  I could not do my fair share of the work on our farm.  All I could do was lie on my stomach on the floor...or the bottom bunk.  So, in addition to the severe pain I was in, my time on the bottom bunk was filled with feelings of boredom, loneliness, sadness, frustration and uselessness.   

As the months dragged on, I began to feel hopelessness and despair. 

I was afraid on the bottom bunk. 

Would I ever be fixed?  Would I ever walk again?  Would I ever be rid of this torturous pain?

Well, the answer to all those questions was eventually, yes.  I am fixed.  My new hip is great.  I'm back to my normal routine and at night, I am back where I belong in my own bed next to my sweet man.  I haven't been on the bottom bunk in a long time.  ClaireAnna sleeps there now. 

So a few days ago, Ted woke up with a crick in his neck. It had just gotten worse and worse each day till he could barely move.  Last night, I decided to sleep in Claire's room so I would not disturb him or bump him during the middle of the night.  I made her sleep on top. 

And last night, I slept on the bottom bunk. 

That place, that holds so many memories for me. 

Wonderful, precious, joy filled memories........

You see, it was there, on the bottom bunk, that Jesus came to me.  It was there, that he never left me.  While I was on the bottom bunk, in despair and hopelessness, Jesus carried me.  He sustained me.  He comforted me.  It was there that all the negativity of my situation was defeated by the power of His Peace within me.  It is not so much that I'm better that I am grateful for, though I am so very grateful for that. But so much more, it is that while I was sick, and weak, and at the end of myself, He lived within me, and was strong for me. 

When I crawled into bed last night, on the bottom bunk in my daughter's room....I was overwhelmed with memories.....of His faithfulness and Love for me.  His Presence is what I remember.  The rest of it....happened a long time ago. 

I love that bottom bunk.  I'll never forget what He did for me there. 

I slept like a baby. 

2012 Russellville Christmas Parade

 Once again, we rode the ponies in the Christmas parade.  They were both really good and we had a great time! Lots of our friends were riding too, some of them 4H friends, some of them just horsey friends.  These pictures are horrible.  I guess I should learn what setting on the camera to use for night time!  But I'm grateful to Ted for taking them regardless. 

 

ClaireAnna on Cindy, Lisa on Grinch, Libby on Roan Baby.  Waiting for the parade to start. 

 

This is Grinch's 2nd year in this parade.  He was a very good boy! (A little figity, but nothing too naughty.)  It is Cindy's...um...can't count.  We started taking her when ClaireAnna was just 5 years old and I walked along side.  She's been in many, Christmas parades and other parades as well.  Her behavior is always excellent.

Dayna rode double with ClaireAnna on Cindy.



We tacked up and decorated the horses at home, then trailered them to the assigned location for the parade.  Then we mount up and wait for what seems like hours (actually, almost 2 hours) for the horses to move out.  Horses are always last, just before the fire trucks and Santa, so that people walking/ marching in the parade don't have to step in the horse pooh!

Notice the reindeer antlers!

ClaireAnna and I made her a sweater for a tacky Christmas sweater contest at youth group.  She didn't win because everyone said her sweater was too cute!  So she wore it for the parade and sure enough, a total stranger in the "audience" shouted to her, "I love your swearter!"  It is now the designated "parade sweater."

Glori's First Big Trail Ride

 

I took Glori on her first trail ride off the farm, ever.  I had attempted this years before, but she displayed such anxiety that I could not even ride her.  To be honest, I was scared to death that she would do the same kind of thing again.  But I needn't have worried.  Glori's behavior was picture perfect! She even remained calm as we rode along side the highway and a huge semi passed us.  Our ride lasted about 4 hours.  I'm encouraged that Glori and I will make a trail riding team yet! Now...to work on that pace of hers!




I rode Glori on her first ever, off farm, long trail ride.  She was perfect.

Olga rode Bobbie.



We stopped for lunch about half way.

True Story

Last Saturday, I drove Ted's pick-up truck and the 24' stock trailer full of cattle to the sale barn at Blackwell....by myself. 

Ted was busy.......

You see, he knew that ClaireAnna really wanted to get her hair cut. So after he had gotten his hair trimmed on Friday, he made an appointment for her for Saturday morning as a surprise.  He not only made the appointment himself, he really wanted to be the one to take her so he could see the excitement on her face when she saw her new style.

This is the third time she has cut off all her hair and donated it to cancer patients' wigs.

Having a husband who knows I'm capable and trusts me to do manly farmer stuff like drive the stick shift diesel truck pulling a 24' stock trailer full of cows to the sale barn 25 minutes away on the interstate......pretty neat.

Having a marriage where traditional gender roles don't really matter, in a relationship that is a true partnership.....totally awesome!

Having a husband who is so connected and committed to his daughter that he would not only make her an appointment for her hair cut but then really, really want to be the one to take her even though he had other manly farmer stuff to do........PRICELESS!

Your Love Is a Mountain

You know the feeling you get when you stand before something amazing that God has made, something like a mountain, or the ocean, that just takes your breath away and makes you think, "Are you kidding me? Is this real? Could anything be more beautiful?  Could His presence be more obvious?"  That's what being truly loved feels like to me. I never get over the marvel of it.  I originally wrote this poem about Ted.  But clearly, Ted's love for me, as amazing as it is, in only a pale reflection of God's love for me and my words are for Him all the more. 

Your Love Is a Mountain

By Lisa Marie Harmon

Your love is a mountain

It’s the vast, deep, rolling sea

The Milky Way

Your love is a quiet wood

It’s a trickling, summer spring

An ancient twisted oak tree root

Your love is the grandest canyon

It’s a raging unforgable river

A glacier

Your love is a windswept Kansas prairie

It’s never ending, purple, wild flowers

The silent blood orange moon

Your love is the blinding winter sun

It’s a skyscraping redwood

A hummingbird

Time after time

Not once yet diminished

It stops me, shocks me
 

Draws my breath in

Hypnotizes, tranquilizes

Stands me in awe

Your love is a mountain

He Is Mine

Twenty nine years is a long time to be with the same person.  It's a very long time.  I can't imagine what it'd be like to be in a bad relationship for that long.  It must be horrible.  Maybe even inversely as horrible as it is wonderful to be in a good relationship for that long.  I only know about the latter and the longer I am in it, the more amazed I become...the more amazing it is to know this person and be loved by him and receive the blessing of him.  The longer I am with him, the more time and opportunities he has to be all the things I need him to be, to prove himself, to surround me with his presence and essence.  He is not perfect.  He is not even all these things all of the time.  He would be the first to say that he could never live up to all the words I write about him.  But that is not the point.  The point is that he inspired me to write them.  Maybe not all the time, but certainly often times, he has been all of these things to me as he faithfully lives out the manifestation of God's love for me that he is.


He Is Mine

By Lisa Marie Harmon

He is steadfast, constant, always

He is a rock

He protects, defends, guards

He is a shield

He strengthens, supports, sustains

He is steel

He rises, works, persists

He is sacrifice

He comforts, encourages, uplifts

He is shelter

He holds, keeps, cherishes

He is a cover

He fills, refreshes, surrounds

He is water

He warms, radiates, melts

He is fire

He struggles, tries, stays

He is a contender

He is sorry, repentant, forgiving

He is humility

He is loyal, honest, trustworthy

He is friendship

He is faithful, committed, unconditional

He is love

He is a gift, a surprise, undeserved

He is my bounty

He is mine

In His Loving Arms

I have physical, human, loving arms to rest in.  And even more wonderful, I also have supernatural, all powerful, all knowing, all forgiving, unconditional, divine, loving arms to rest in.  I am so blessed! This poem is about both.

In His Loving Arms

By Lisa Marie Harmon

At the end of a day

When nothing at all has gone my way

I know I can rest in his loving arms

When I’m tired and dejected

Frustrated, rejected

I always find peace in his loving arms

If my day’s been good

And I’ve gotten it right

My joy is shared in his loving arms

But oh, in those times

Of no reasons or rhymes

I’m so blessed as I rest in his loving arms

I don’t have to wonder

I have no concern

I know they’ll be there, when toward them I turn

He’ll gather me up

And hold me so tight

Tell me gently, "Everything's alright"

Because, tonight,

So faithfully,

His arms are waiting just for me

The troubles of this day will fade

 His warmth and strength will soon invade

And I’ll rest, in his loving arms

To My Beloved

You know what's amazing? When I act like a snot, or when I don't do anything all day long, or when I forget something really important, or when I argue about something stupid, or when I am selfish and put you last, and I look up and there you are…still. I look into your eyes, and there it is…love.
There's very little in this life more amazing then knowing you are loved unconditionally and totally. It doesn’t happen in a week, a month, a year or ten years. It takes a really, really long time for a man to prove to a woman that there is nothing she could do to change the way he feels about her.  That he’s there for better or worse. That he’s got her back. That he’s never going to leave.
Because we all doubt. We all wonder. Am I good enough? Will this last? Does he really love me?
Some men are never able to do it.  But you did.  I’m not sure when it happened…but some time ago, that last little bit of insecurity disappeared. That last, deep down, almost subconscious fear has evaporated into thin air and all I feel now is trust, love and Us. 
Everything else on earth is monumentally unimportant to me compared to the fact that you love me.
Happy 27th Anniversary, Beloved.

The Hog Whisperer

Pay no mind to the chubby, unkempt woman. 
Watch the pig.  

A Quiet Moment in the Shade of an Oak Tree

By Lisa Marie Harmon

It is a blistering July day, over a hundred degrees today, and it hasn’t rained significantly in several weeks. At about five in the afternoon, I make my way to the barnyard to do my chores. It’s the hottest part of the day and the sun is still burning down on the farm, but the animals need cool water and I have to give it to them so out I go. I spend over an hour dumping and refilling the water buckets, tubs and feeders in each pasture, pen and cage in our barnyard. The water I dump out is scorching hot as it splashes on my sandaled feet. I replace it with cool, fresh water from our well, purposefully splashing some of that on my feet in turn. The animals drink deeply and gratefully.

Finally, I’m finished with my chores. All the animals have what they need and some have had a refreshing garden hose shower too. I head for home, thinking about a cool drink of my own, my recliner and air conditioning. I leave the barnyard at nearly seven, and walk down the long, dusty, farm road that leads to our house about 300 yards from our grouping of barns and sheds. The sun has yet to fall behind the tall pines on the hill to the west and is still unbearably hot, but I am tired, so I walk slowly.
I don’t pay much attention to anything as I walk along. I’m just focused on getting to the house and keeping the sweat that is rolling off my forehead from dripping into my eyes. But eventually, I pass into the deep shade of the giant oaks that grow just in front of the cattle guard that separates the pasture from our yard. I stop a moment, grateful that the heat I felt on my skin from that blazing sun is suddenly gone. I think about moving on but a refreshing breeze picks up and encourages me to linger, so I turn slowly and look back up the road at the place I have just left.

Back at the barnyard I can see small white specks fluttering about. They’re my daughter’s ducks, some splashing in the blue kiddy pools I’ve just filled for them and some waddling about the place looking for bits of grain dropped by a horse or a goat. I can’t hear them, or even clearly make them out, but I’ve seen this dance up close many times and I know exactly what they’re doing. I chuckle softly to myself and think, “silly ducks.”

To the left of the tiny white specks are bigger white specks and some black and red ones. These are the goats, now locked into their pen for the night after a day of foraging for leaves and weeds in the horse pasture. Bo is there too, with the goats as always, the faithful guardian dog. They are his goats really, and tonight they are hot and bloated and all sprawled out on the straw under their shed, either panting or chewing their cud. All the spring kids have been sold and the does are picking up weight and looking good. They are silent and still except for the occasional flicking of a little white tail. All but Jasper, of course, our Nubian buck. I am sure I can hear him baaing in the distance, hoping desperately for one more scoop of corn. I chuckle again as I picture his goofy antics.

Behind the goat pen, a group of horses is up at the trough. Several of them are covered in mud from rolling in the dust. They love to roll after a garden hose shower; it relieves their itches and helps to discourage the biting flies. As I watch them now, they are done rolling and slowly start to fan out down the hillside to continue their never ending quest for the perfect blade of grass. It’s dry and the grass is less then satisfying but they keep searching. The two new boarder horses seem to be settling in. Merry, the month old filly runs a bit and kicks out at the flies, but none of the others have the energy for that tonight.

As I stare into the distance, my eyes lose focus a bit and I reflect on a time when my days didn’t end like this. For only seven years I’ve been a farmer here in Arkansas. Before that, I was a city girl, living in Wisconsin and caring for four children, two dogs and a guinea pig. I shake my head as I recount the long and incomprehensible series of divinely directed events that led my family and me out of Midwest suburbia and onto a 160 acre cattle ranch in the Deep South. It’s been an incredible adventure filled journey, one with highs as well as lows. It has not always been easy. Leaving my family and friends, and adjusting to a whole new culture and way of life has been daunting for this forty-seven year old wife and mother, even though the farm life is something I had always dreamed of. At times I’ve felt lost, like I had no idea what I was doing or why. At times I’ve been exhausted from the work of it all or the blistering heat or the winter mud. And many times, the busyness and calamity of life has distracted me completely to the point that each day was a blur and the passing of it almost didn’t matter. But today, my attention is sharp and I’m quietly soaking in every detail of the summer scene before me.

I shake my thoughts back into the present and come to realize that I am not alone. About thirty feet directly in front of me, sharing my cool, breezy shade, is a lone, black steer. He’s chewing his cud as his tail swishes rhythmically at the flies on his back. He looks directly at me and for several seconds we have a staring contest until he gets bored and looks away. I continue to watch him and feel a smile come across my face as I think about how he didn’t get up when I approached his tree. He’s lying in the cool dirt with his legs up underneath of him, content and unperturbed. He doesn’t mind me here so close; we know each other. “Hi Junior,” I say.

To the right of Junior is a tall patch of grass that has gone to seed and I see a flurry of little, white butterflies flitting from seed head to seed head. The silence of their dance highlights for me the many sounds I suddenly notice are filling the evening, country air. The breeze is still blowing and I can hear its hush through the oak leaves. Several species of birds are calling and singing, a killdeer, a swallow, a finch, and all around me the cicadas are buzzing. Other anonymous croaks and chirps fill in and the arrangement becomes the perfect background for the quietness I am beginning to feel deep within me.

There are horses in this pasture too, and a donkey and one sheep. My eyes pan from fence line to fence line to make sure they are all there, all fine. They are. Behind them are the cows, dotting the far meadow, grazing in the evening sun. From a distance, with the low sun hitting their orange hides, they almost give off a metallic glow. I wonder if there are any new calves. Beyond the cows is the creek where my daughter plays, dry this time of year, its existence declared by the many old oaks, sweet gums and sycamores lining its banks. I look to the left, into our yard, and quickly pass my eyes over the shed that needs painting, the weeds in the flowerbed, and the last branches of a fallen tree that still need to be cut up and burned. I see my house and know that my family is there, inside, waiting for me.

Before long, this whole picture starts to sink into my consciousness and I discover that tears are streaming down my face. I am surrounded by beauty and serenity and I feel like I am melting into this place, not from the heat, but from something else much more comfortable. I’m melting in, right here, right now, from a deep and wonderful sense that I belong. I look down at my feet and the dirt road they are planted on. Planted. Here. Rooted. Right here. I belong here, on this farm, in Arkansas, on this road, in this shade, in this moment. I am a part of this place now, and it is a part of me and I feel overwhelmed by a sense of peace.
I don’t move now. I just want to feel…and sense…and be. I want to take it all in and be enveloped by the comfort of this farm I’ve grown to love so much. I want to be who I am, where I am, right now. I remain silent and still for a while longer as the tears continue to flow and I realize how grateful I am for this moment. “Thank You,” I whisper, knowing I am not guaranteed another. But that’s okay. This quiet moment in the shade of an oak tree has been a gift from God and I will keep it. And someday, when I am in a different kind of moment, when peace and nature and belonging do not surround me and when I am feeling overwhelmed by senses that bring me a different kind of tears, I will have it and I will remember.

Hip Surgery #2

Friday, February 25th, 2011. My second hip surgery took place at Saint Vincent Infirmary. My surgeon was Dr. C. Lowry Barnes. We arrived at 9:00 a.m. and the surgery began around 12:00 p.m. Kay Manry waited with Ted and was there when Dr. Barnes came out to tell him that the surgery was over and went fine. His conclusion was that the ball of my old prostheses was coming partially out of the socket. There was wear on the it and noticeable irritation to surrounding tissues. Dr. Barnes gave me a new ball and socket liner and removed some scar tissue. He did not remove the old shaft or socket since they were both well attached to the bone (Praise God!). Dr. Barnes feels confident that at least some of the cause of my pain has been resolved. Only time will tell to what extent I will be healed. Ted is calling it my “tune up".

Kate had given me the Angel of Health a few months ago during one of my worst pain episodes and I brought her with me to remind me that Kate was praying for me and to keep me focused on my goal of getting better. ClaireAnna made me a wonderful get well card and the Harmons sent me some nice flowers. I also brought pictures of all of us, Ted and I on horseback, Jes, Josh & Lily, Kate and Claire. We were all there together in my heart and it gave me great strength.

The first day, still attached to the I.V. and catheter, I slept most of the time and through the night. Ted went home about 8:00 p.m. since I didn’t really need help that first 18 hours. The second night, he spent in the hospital with me so that I would have a helper when ever I needed to get up to use the bathroom. I felt so bad for some of the older people, who’s family had gone home. They had to push a button for a nurse when they needed help and then wait their turn. How blessed I was to have Ted by my side day and night. (Note: If you have an older family member, having major surgery, don’t leave them alone overnight. They need help and the nurses are too busy to be prompt and attentive.)

This is Saturday, 24 hours after surgery. I was required to dress and attend physical therapy twice that day. I did my therapy 4 times, walking to and from the therapy room and all around the ortho floor several times. Ted is a slave driver! He kept saying, “One more time around.” Those are compression cuffs on my calves, used to prevent blood clots. I’m to wear them 23 hours a day for 10 days post op.

Here I am in my hospital bed. If you’ll notice, there is a blue 4H ribbon hanging above my head. ClaireAnna had won it Tuesday night at 4H O’Rama, just 3 days before my surgery, and she gave it to me to bring to the hospital to remind me that she would be praying for me.

I went home Sunday at about 11:00 a.m., almost exactly 48 hours after surgery. I see Dr. Barnes again at 11 days post op for staples removal and a check up. When I got home, Sunday night, Josh came over to cook us Philly Cheese Steak Sandwiches – A traditional Harmon Family favorite. He even cleaned up the kitchen afterwards! I got flowers from Lily (purple tulips) and a beautiful bouquet from my church family and we’ll be receiving meals every other day for a couple of weeks.

Hip surgery is hard. It is painful and frightening. But having my family there to support me turned a difficult time into a time to remember love and togetherness and took the sting out of an unpleasant situation. I thank God everyday for Ted, Jes, Josh, Lily, Kate and Claire – my family whom I love with all my heart and for all my brothers and sisters in Christ, my true extended family whom I could not live without! Love to you all!

I WON BANANAGRAMS!!!

ClaireAnna got this fun word game for Jes for Christmas. Jes LOVES word games. She's also the master at them. I'm no good at word games. I did not inherit the Scrabble gene from my mother. But, I got some lucky letters in this round and I WON!!! Yay!

My winning play!

Post Script: Months later I noticed I miss spelled "gleam."  Haha! I didn't win after all! But it's a fun game!

Thoughts on Pain

Written 6/15/2010
Since pain is part of my life again, (hopefully temporarily!) I've been thinking a lot about it. I spent many years of my life in frequent or constant pain. After my hip joint replacement surgery and recovery I was amazed to rediscover what a pain free body felt like. I've spent seven wonderful years essentially pain free and I am so grateful to God for every second of them. Each and every second of the last seven years has been an amazing blessing to me and I will never stop thanking God for them, no matter what happens in the future. During those years, I have been given many cherished memories that will sustain me through the rest of my life.

Pain can be a positive influence on your life. There are several good things that pain has done for me.
1. Pain has given me compassion for others who are in pain, many much, much worse then I.
2. Pain has helped me to be more acutely aware during my pain free times, encouraging me to live in that moment, be grateful for that moment and make the best of THAT moment!
3. Pain has helped me to not "sweat the small stuff" and instead set my priorities more in line with God's. A lot of things that might be bothersome in ordinary circumstances become quite insignificant when you’re in pain.
4. Pain has driven me to trust God more fully.
5. And finally, pain has helped me set my sights on the beautiful future that is promised to me for all Eternity and to look forward to spending it praising God in a pain free, glorified body!
When you lay down to sleep tonight, take a mental inventory of your body from head to toe. Can you close your eyes, breath softly and rest in a pain free body? If you can, then say a prayer of thanksgiving. Take a moment to FEEL what you are not feeling and remember. Never take it for granted that you will be able to do the same tomorrow. Smile as you fall asleep because you are well blessed.

When your own body is attacking you, one fact becomes very clear. Peace cannot be found within yourself. There is only one kind of peace available and that is the peace of God that passes all understanding. In that peace, which is lovingly and freely given, one can find a rest that will sustain, support and refresh like nothing else on earth can. In my weakness, He is strong.

May God bless you and keep you.
Praise the name of the Lord.

Me and My Honey on Glori and Woodrow

Ted and I went for a wonderful ride today on the gaited horses.  Glori was a bit “Lookie Loo” but I handled it.  Woodrow tripped all over the place! But all in all, we had a great time! This ridge is on our neighbor’s land.  We can ride up to the top from our bottom hay pasture.  It’s a BEAUTIFUL view!!!

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